Wednesday, January 9, 2008

wake up

A good alarm clock

Have you ever asked yourself, “What is the ideal alarm clock?” Well I have asked myself that many times (and maybe some of you have too). So just in case, here is my idea of a first-rate alarm clock:

1. A horrifying, unbearable noise - this should be comparable to fingernails on a blackboard. Nothing short of a piercing shriek (that will blast you out of bed in the morning) will do.

2. PM/AM interlock - should have a warning in case you accidentally set the thing to “PM” instead of “AM”. How would it know this? (Hey, I can’t do it with me a bit.)

3. Inexpensive - I am not claiming to be cheap. It is just that I cannot afford to be anything else. So if could get something for $20 or under that would be really great!

4. Pleasant to look at - this is going to be a fixture that we will be gazing upon every day on numerous occasions. It would be nice to have something lovely to look at as opposed to a hideous monstrosity that makes you cringe.

5. Split personality - and why not? Most of us do, whether we admit to it or not. It will be nice one minute and then an ogre when it goes off. (Does that sound like anyone you know?)

6. A two foot electrical chord attached to it - you don’t want anything wireless or you will be temped to place it next to the bed. If you have to get up to turn the infernal device off, you are less likely to hit the snooze and lie back down. I know this from personal experience.

7. Very durable. This feature will allow it to accept the occasional glancing blow of things being thrown at it. And it will survive a fall to the floor. (This is where the short chord helps. That way it can’t fall too far.)

8. An electrical plug that will not accept an extension chord – not sure how this would work. But there must be a way. The reason goes back to idea number 6.

9. The time clearly visible with large LED numbers - LED numbers are the ones that light up on a dark background. And why large numbers? That is for us soon to be geriatrics that require reading glasses. (There are a lot of us, you know?)

10. And finally, it would be nice if it had a place to put your prescription bottles. This could be kind of like an auto cup holder or such. Why this feature? (See reason number 9 above)

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